My Calling – About Lilprep
I am just a writing child, doing a little preparation before the coming of God’s kingdom.
Moving (Pt.15)
This was the moment I shifted from “creator” to “vessel.”
Aug 14, 2025
Moving (Pt.14)
In that moment, they seemed to drift away—along with my old self.
Aug 12, 2025
Moving (Pt.13)
All I asked now was that the Lord grant me a smooth departure.
Aug 10, 2025
Moving (Pt.12)
A miracle—life sustained by grace at the very edge of death..
Aug 5, 2025
Moving (Pt.11)
But that night, the old, pickled taste of C-PTSD returned.
Aug 4, 2025
Moving (Pt.10)
It was, without question, an excellent choice for a “tent in the wilderness.”.
Aug 1, 2025
Moving (Pt.9)
I began doubting my calling again.
Jul 29, 2025
Moving (Pt.8)
Lord, because the title “Christian” is just too convenient.
Jul 27, 2025
Moving (Pt.7)
Instead, I opened myself, patiently and even submissively, to truly engage with these people.
Jul 20, 2025
Moving (Pt.6)
…it was because she never saw me as a person at all.
Jul 17, 2025
Moving (Pt.5)
Was I not also projecting my instinctive trust and hope onto the words “Christian” and “church”?
Jul 14, 2025
Moving (Pt.4)
My apology was not for the sake of smoothing human relations, but as a witness to righteousness.
Jul 9, 2025
Moving (Pt.3)
I tried to feel its weight, as though self-imposed suffering might somehow yield a rush of dopamine.
Jul 7, 2025
Moving (Pt.2)
I kept walking on, through God’s silence.
Jul 7, 2025
Moving (Pt.1)
God was sending me to a place He had set apart as holy.
Jul 4, 2025
The Fellowship (Pt.3)
…but what I love is not “others loving me,” but “us loving truth together.”
Jun 15, 2025
The Fellowship (Pt.2)
I cried bitterly. Because my soul finally admitted—how much I longed to be caught, and how much I feared falling again.
Jun 15, 2025
The Fellowship (Pt.1)
Thus, those two real experiences of “presence” became “a thorn in my flesh.”
Jun 13, 2025
Procrastination
I am not a preacher. I am a liberator of captives.
May 27, 2025
In The Beginning
(Pt.5 Resurrection)
The one You foreknew—turns out, it really was me….
May 22, 2025
In The Beginning
(Pt.4 Passion)
When You looked down from the cross at the crowd, did You also think they were noisy?
May 22, 2025
In The Beginning
(Pt.3 Salvation)
It wasn’t a confrontation between believers seeking truth, but a systemic silencing.
May 21, 2025
In The Beginning
(Pt.2 Fall)
I couldn’t even hide the disgust and pain on my face.
May 20, 2025
In The Beginning
(Pt.1 Creation)
For a brother, that is an incredibly rare and precious quality.
May 20, 2025
Into The Wilderness (Pt.4)
The culture of modern evangelical churches is nurturing narcissists.
May 13, 2025
Into The Wilderness (Pt.3)
So who am I to say to anyone, “Will you watch with me?”
May 13, 2025
Into The Wilderness (Pt.1-2)
“Lord, this too, I can give to you.”
May 12, 2025
The Outage (Pt.4)
That vessel is called the cup of sorrow.
May 6, 2025
The Outage (Pt.3)
I shouted my inner sharpness into the valley.
May 6, 2025
The Outage (Pt.2)
If I didn’t desperately cling to Your presence, I would be left with nothing but destruction.
May 5, 2025
The Outage (Pt.1)
For a fleeting moment, I envied their power-grid-free lives—though I knew well I was worth far more than the birds..
May 5, 2025
Holy Week (Pt.4)
I had stepped into a new phase of life—though I knew almost nothing about it.
Apr 26, 2024
Holy Week (Pt.3)
I knew that once the seed of truth had been planted, it would grow—slowly, maybe painfully— but it would never die.
Apr 26, 2024
Holy Week (Pt.2)
At that moment, I understood— the closer God draws to a soul, the deeper He must instill reverence.
Apr 26, 2024
Holy Week (Pt.1)
That afternoon, I felt a calmness, a clarity, and an independence that exceeded my former self.
Apr 26, 2025
Songs Map (Pt.3)
You want me to see my past clearly and let myself go. To look upon myself with tenderness.
Apr 13, 2025
Songs Map (Pt.2)
I just kept listening, as if I were repeating an apology.
Apr 7, 2025
Songs Map (Pt.1)
“When you developed feelings for someone, do you ever feel a kind of sadness whenever you see them?”
Apr 5, 2025
The Call (Pt.2)
I finally understood why, a year ago, when I tried to empathize with Jesus, I was overwhelmed by immense sorrow.
Mar 28, 2025
The Call (Pt.1)
Something essential began quietly changing.
Mar 27, 2025
“Disciples of Christ”
I had charged into what I believed was a spiritual battle, completely blind to the bitterness and pride in my own heart.
Jan 12, 2025
A Daughter of Jerusalem
“Daughters of Jerusalem, weep not for me, but weep for yourselves, and for your children.”
Aug 5, 2024
CPTSD
If all things exist for only the purpose of His glory, and He created me for such a good purpose, then no creature can inflict an absolute evil upon me.
Jun 27, 2024
Every Nation, Every Soul
My resentment and indifference were vast until I understood how the Lord led the Christians in this country through the Red Sea, walking on dry land.
May 17, 2024
A Letter to Phoebe (Pt.2)
If He decides for me to leave this country now, then I’ll leave. If in the future, He guides me back, then I’ll come back.
Apr 27, 2024
A Letter to Phoebe (Pt.1)
I do love Him; I just need to gradually recognize how much I love Him, to understand how deeply the Gospel is embedded in my life.
Apr 27, 2024
My Greatest Rebellion
The problem lies only with me—I am not willing to bear this cross like He did, at least not yet.
Apr 15, 2024
Returning Hometown During Qingming Festival
I envy those Christians abroad who preach in public places, not only because of their freedom but also because I know I can’t change anyone.
Apr 13, 2024
Opposing Superstition
How can you judge that the small benefits in front of you are really benefits, and ultimately that you don’t need to pay any price?
Apr 11, 2024
The Forgetfulness of
the Gentiles
This forgetfulness manifests mainly in two aspects: forgetting the love of God and forgetting our own past.
Apr 7, 2024
Housewife and Family
If I couldn’t fight it when I was a child, then I will just fight this whole sinful social culture in my own marriage as an adult.
Mar 23, 2024
The Unconditional Trust
Now, I see far ahead the narrow gate of Abraham’s faith.
Mar 21, 2024
Another Narrow Gate: Honesty
The diversity of perspectives is a methodology for loving others. But for each individual, the narrow gate remains narrow forever.
Mar 17, 2024
Do Not Stand
You are the source of natural laws, the ultimate rationality, the eternity; and yet, you love me.
Mar 17, 2024
A Letter to Andreas
I think that he was arranged by the Lord to hear me.
Mar 13, 2024
Let the Dead Bury
Their Own Dead
When I understood this truth, I no longer regarded my relatives as part of one big family.
Mar 8, 2024
I Can Only Escape
As an individual, I can find the way, I can be rebuilt, it is entirely possible.
Mar 6, 2024
Disappointment, Loneliness, Love
I hope you understand that I’m not venting or demanding, but writing with love for you my fellow Christians.
Feb 19, 2024
Ex-colony
If I have to become a rogue, scoundrel, or fool for the so-called “roots,” then I am truly beyond redemption.
Feb 10, 2024
Learn to Suspend Knowledge
I need to go back to when I was in my early twenties and pour out the bathwater again.
Jan 15, 2024
