Housewife and Family
This article was written on March 23, 2024. Over the past few days, I’ve explored a variety of ways according to my own design, and finally found that the most formal path is not so difficult to follow.
I explained the origin of a phenomenon to a former colleague, and she said I lived up to my background in scientific research, suggesting that I am more suited for research work than being a housewife.
But the truth is, once I really just want to be a housewife.
“You have too much going on in your head, how could you possibly be good at housework?” she said.
The fact is, my mind is most clear and fluent when I am quietly focused on the task at hand. This kind of task could be painting, crafting, doing household chores, and I can efficiently excel at them. I don’t know if others also experience this separation between manual and intellectual work.
But I don’t care about these materials themselves at all. I enjoy putting in great focus and effort into the process, but I can easily discard the results without any regrets. A few years ago, during a company event where we hand-painted ukuleles, I painted a beautiful acrylic landscape painting that garnered countless praises from others. However, as soon as it was finished, I immediately sold it at the flea market. Others were surprised to hear that I didn’t even keep it as a memento.
I have no attachment to these things, nor do I have any regrets about the past professional work experiences that I invested time and energy into.
I really don’t want to go back to the workplace as an office lady, even as a programmer. Many colleagues have suggested that I pursue a second master’s degree in computer science abroad and then work in technology, saying I am well-suited for it. But I haven’t even considered it.
I just want to return to being an individual, to rebuild myself as a whole person first. I don’t want to be a tool anymore, and I’m so tired of working with my brain for money. The only organization I’m willing to be part of is likely the church. And the smallest church is marriage, a family unit.
Perhaps this seems contradictory, but my desire to be a homemaker requires me to be able to support myself. Otherwise, I can’t guarantee the purity of my motives. Similarly, I need to become a free person first in order to truly enter into the small church of family. I’m not ready yet, and as long as marriage can solve my economic and visa problems in practice, I can’t guarantee that I have no ulterior motives.
“If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light.” At present, I am not gold, silver or costly stones, but just wood, hay, and straw. And God cannot yet use me as the materials to build a sturdy little temple.
The day before yesterday, I met with two sisters and discussed faith from morning till night. They are both unmarried and childless because they believe that marriage and children would interfere with a woman’s devotion to faith. They were curious and asked me why I wanted a family.
The reasons seem to be complex: I am truly too weak on the path of faith alone, I need someone to intervene in my life as my most direct shepherd; I really want to see how the given transcendent of God’s image, words, etc., gradually enter a new life; and family is the only earthly paradise I can possibly hope for…
But the ultimate reason is, I don’t know how to bear the burden like Mother Teresa or missionaries, only daring to hope to spread the gospel to this world through a marriage.
Participation in public affairs is not about individuals acting righteously in isolation, but about forming a spontaneous order. I don’t think the smallest unit of this spontaneous connection is fellowship or church. Ezra’s reconstruction began with the reconstruction of marriage. Therefore, we need to start families and build churches from our own families. Based on this foundation, a spontaneous public order is formed through the marginal effects of communities of small families, forming a decentralized society that truly allows freedom.
Growing up as a child in a single-parent family, my parents’ failed marriage hurt me a lot, and it gave me an obsession. I have never been able to force myself to accept the world’s distortion of family values and its destruction of human values. There’s anger in me. If I couldn’t fight it when I was a child, then I will just fight this whole sinful social culture in my own marriage as an adult.
When I was in my twenties, ignorant and clueless, I thought the theme of this era was technological progress, national and international politics, economy, commerce, consumption, affirmative action, and showing lifestyles and self-enhance.
Now, standing at the tail end of my twenties, I finally understand that the theme of this world, from beginning to end, has always been faith, freedom, and family.