Gospel Lilprep 
Do Not Stand
It’s a fresh start. All the storms occurred only in my mind, but they were so real that I knew I had finally come back to Him. This post was written in mid-March 2024.
I feel that for everyone, believing in the existence of a Creator is not a difficult matter.
The Lord questioned Job with the wonders of creation, and with the nature of beasts. Haven’t these questions arisen in the minds of every person during their innocent childhood, when they were curious about the world?
I don’t even think that feeling the love of God is a difficult matter.
When I was a child, every tiny thing amazed me. Every ray of sunshine, every gentle breeze, every chirp of the birds, would make me happy because I felt it, the Creator loves me so much, these gentle comforts are evidence of His love for me, even the air, water, and food, are evidence of His love for me.
But understanding the love of Christ, becoming a Christian, requires imagination beyond ordinary.
As I stepped into my youth, gradually forgetting God’s love for me, experiencing heartbreak, distortion, toil, and worry in the world, I became increasingly hard and cold. I never remembered Christ, nor did I truly attempt to understand Him. The only Bible I possessed was not easy to come by, yet I ignored it for many years. But I don’t know why I never forgot it was there, my mother has always been against Christianity, and even more surprisingly, she never threw away this Bible, but kept it neatly in the bookcase (later she told me she didn’t know that book was a Bible).
As I approached thirty, setting aside all worldly matters and embarking on a genuine journey into the Christian faith, I finally felt this immense sorrow. From then on, tears have become a part of my daily life.
I just cannot explain it. Why did such an awesome God choose to take on such a humble flesh? Why is grace so gracious to reveal sin as sin? Why does the most genuine, most unconditional love in this world was accomplished by a horrible instrument of execution? Why does the most profound and resolute tragedy in this world offer not resentment, not pity, but a sense of mission to face suffering directly? Why is it that when I feel this immense sorrow, I believe in eternity immediately and know that I am not wishfully thinking? Why is it all so maniac yet so beautiful?…
I cannot explain it with linguistic logic; no one can create it with human reason. This must be the transcendent rationality belonging only to God.
With my limited rationality, I can only make such a choice— I do not want to live in the artificially constructed idyllic scenes or utopia; I do not want to live in the fleeting pleasures of “you only live once.” I choose to take up my own cross and follow Him.
After understanding Christ’s love to some extent, when I look back at the child who once deeply believed she was loved by the Creator, I am reminded of that song by Libera—”Do Not Stand.” I imagine it as being sung in the voice of Christ to the woman weeping at His tomb.
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there, I do not sleep
I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond glint on snow
I am the sunlight on ripened grain
I am the gentle Autumn rain
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there, I do not sleep
When you awake in the morning hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight
I am the soft starlight at night
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there, I do not sleep
You are the source of natural laws, the ultimate rationality, the eternity; and yet, You love me.